Divorce - part II

Last Week, we took a glimpse into the life altering reality of divorce. We saw that, just as they had done with other laws, The Pharisees were molding and shaping the words of God according to their own standards in terms of divorce. They would take the permission that God gave for divorce in Deut. 24:1-4 and run with it to the furthest extreme; breaking apart a marriage for any grounds they saw fit; spitting upon His mercy, grace, and patience.

To see this more clearly, we started by defining ‘marriage’ itself as a one man, one woman union, created by God. Which means then, that all other varying definitions aren't marriages. Marriage is a sacred and glorious union that needs to be held in the highest honor, and protected from any attack; not simply because of the trauma of divorce; but because of why God designed it. Every marriage, healthy or unhealthy, is a living word picture that teaches those within them, and those who view them from the outside, about the relationship between Christ and the Church. 

With this, we then understood that God granting divorce under specific instances, and giving us the legislation for how they ought be performed, is not a sign that He approves of them…but is a sign of both His mercy, and the hardness of human hearts. It is a sign that the thrice-holy God of the Universe; Him who dwells in unapproachable light; is a God who shows patience and mercy toward the weak and broken.

Does God hate divorce? Yes, of course. Scripture is clear (Mal. 2:16). He hates it because He hates sin, which is the foundational cause of every single divorce under the Sun. And the only true healing that can come to someone who has undergone such a traumatic event, is from someone who hates divorce as much as they do. 

Now, with a tremendously complex topic such as this, we are going to take another look at it this morning. And at the very end of our sermon this morning, we are going to settle on the reality that there are no “fast & easy” answers in regards to dealing with the damage of sin.

Read → Matthew 5:27-32 and Opening Prayer

A Necessary Reminder:

Before we move into the main body of teaching, I want to reiterate the utter importance of last week’s Sermon. Marriage is a sacred, divine union, and must be protected at all costs. That is the default. That is the design. However, that design exists inside of a world plagued by sin, where even those with regenerated hearts and minds; those who are innocent in the eyes of God; still sin. Furthermore, this fallen world, populated by redeemed and unredeemed alike, is governed by a good, gracious and patient God. One who loves to forgive sinners (Micah 7:18); not according to their good works (Eph. 2:9) but according to His own will and purposes (Eph. 1:11). He is a God “Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy” and says of Himself: “I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.” (Is. 57:15)

The neon King of the Universe, who literally inhabits eternity, has chosen to bring humble and thoroughly bruised and broken people to Himself through no action of their own. And this “choosing” encompasses every cross-section of humanity. There will be those in eternity whose marriages here under the sun were glorious examples of what a marriage should be; and there will be those whose marriages fell apart because of them, themselves.

We must repeat all of this, brothers and sisters, because when we as Christians begin to speak on divorce, and the level of trauma it has on us or those we love…the opportunity to forget what Scripture teaches and replace it with our feelings…is overwhelming. We see hurt, and forget that God is going to heal. We see the lost, and forget that God will never lose any of His children. Plainly stated; we must take both: the truth of a God who hates divorce, and the truth of a God who loves to save the broken, as the starting point of our discussion. We must start in the character and nature of God, and then work outwards from Him; not take our feelings and experiences and work them upwards.

This might get a touch confusing, so stay with me.

Why Are We Asking?:

 With all of that said; as Christians, when we begin to speak on the topic of divorce, a few things immediately come to mind. We run through our thoughts coming up with scenario after scenario, or we plunge into our past and pull out personal stories, and say: “What about this or that? Should that couple get divorce? What about this one? What about remarriage after divorce, Biblical or otherwise?”

My response is: “Why are you asking?”

For some of you, even here this morning; you are asking because of the deep trench of pain that was carved into your heart by a divorce; I know. You can see its depth, and the creatures of the night that prowl about it, looking to devour you. You have pain and confusion you can’t make sense of, and time has only pushed it to the back of your mind without healing.

For others…are you looking for an excuse to get angry at God?

Nevertheless, my first response is the same: “Why are you asking?”

Honestly and truly, and holding nothing back; what is going through the depth of your soul, weaving between your thoughts? Why do you want to know? Are you asking questions like this because of your own experiences? Your own past or present? If so, it's not necessarily bad; but as long as you try to hide your motivations, you’ll never come to terms with what you find because;

God doesn't deal with hypotheticals.

He deals with truth. In fact, we could go as far as to say there are no hypotheticals with God. He sees the motivations behind your questions, behind your ponderings. In the negative; He knows if you are trying to justify a past, present, or future sin. And in the positive; He knows if you care about His ways with the utmost concern, so much so, that you refuse to move in any direction but toward Him. 

Now moving forward from that without going as far as it can lead us; you have owned up to why you are asking. But, you aren't yet free to have an answer. If you are using your own past to ask questions; my response, again, is; “Why?”.

I briefly mentioned this in the “Extra Notes” section of the Manuscript last week; but if you didn't get a chance to read through it, I’ll cover it now.

When asking questions about anything related to God and His standard of holiness; and what constitutes a sinful action or event; do you want to know, because you want to justify yourself? (like we just mentioned). Is it because you want to avoid Hell? Or…are you asking because you hate sin so thoroughly, so passionately, that it pains you to have acted that way?

In other words; do you want to avoid sinning simply because it leads you to Hell; or because it is repulsive in the eyes of God? Do you care that you acted treacherously against your King? Or do you care that you might be punished and want to avoid it? This is a complex Doctrine, I understand, and a healthy fear of Hell isn't a bad thing, but we should be caring more for the offense against God our sins carried out, than we should the consequences of them. Charles Spurgeon speaks on this in his Sermon “The Hatred of Sin”; when he says: “A true Christian does not hate sin merely because it damns him, but because it grieves his God.”

So, is that the motivation of your questions, oh Christian?

Do you want to know more about marriage and divorce because you want to honor God more than anything…even if your past, present, or future, would testify against you? Will you accept what God has to say, even if it means things you don't want to accept? Would you think Him unfair, and slam your Bible shut in defiance? Or would it provoke you to open it again and again and again, knowing that He is going to mold and shape and transform you? Will hearing what God has to say about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, prompt innumerable prayers from your tired heart, each and every single one ending with: “Nevertheless, not my will…but yours.” (Matt. 26:39)

Marriage:

Now that you have immediately come to terms with such an impactful question (I hope you see my sarcasm!); any questions about divorce must start with defining marriage. 

Without repeating last week, but shining a new light on it; we must understand that “Marriage” is a covenant. It is a relationship, of course. And the two people signed a contract, yes. But remember that a marriage is a word-picture of the union between Christ and His Church. It is a tangible lesson about how He interacts with His people; ie. covenantally. Broadly speaking; a ‘covenant’ is a type of relationship with blessings and curses, all of which show us the character and nature of God.

He established the Noahic covenant with humanity in Gen. 6:18 & 9:5-11; promising to never flood the world again, while requiring justice towards those who shed man’s blood.

He established the Abrahamic Covenant with humanity in Gen. 17:1-8; promising to fill the world with the offspring of Abraham, while demanding of us to live blamelessly.

And He established the covenant of Marriage in Gen. 2:24 promising to make the man and woman become one flesh, while giving us the boundaries of it.

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Briefly; this is why, upon becoming a member of our Church here, you are entering into a Covenant with us. With the blessings of Sacraments; Teaching; and Fellowship; and the curses of the Lord’s Table being closed; Church discipline; or Loss of Fellowship. Why? To show the character and nature of a God who does the same thing. 

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God covenanted with humanity through Noah, promising to preserve the world. Through Abraham, promising to fill it. And gave us a way to covenant with one another, to be the hands and feet through which those promises are fulfilled (Marriage).

Brothers and sisters, a covenant is far deeper, and more all-encompassing than a simple relationship. It affects and changes aspects of your entire life. How you raise your family and educate your children. How you work; punching a clock or otherwise. Your hobbies, health, clothing, food, and worship; everything about your life is carried out in relation to the covenant you are a member of. It is the predominant deciding factor in your day to day schedule. Can you imagine a husband who sold his house without talking to his wife? Can you imagine a Church that decided to start teaching heresy without the members' knowledge? 

The covenants you are a member of, affect everything.

Furthermore, when you were saved; when your heart of stone was taken and replaced with one of flesh; you entered into the New Covenant; The Covenant of Salvation.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 → “Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah; [32] not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the Lord. [33] But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. [34] No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.”

Luke 22:19 - 20 → “And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” [20] Likewise He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is shed for you.”

With this, we can see that the aspect of a Covenant that amplifies it beyond a mere relationship is not simply its all-encompassing nature; but the fact that a covenant is something that even if one person breaks it…the other has willingly promised to keep it intact.

Can you see this between yourself and God? 

Though you have sinned, even after your heart was made new...He did not divorce you. 

Because God hates divorce.

He stayed with you, was patient and kind, reminding you He will never leave.

We need to discuss this, because understanding marriage as a covenant in one hand; and a God who made allowances for us weak and frail people in the other hand; is the only way we can reconcile Biblically allowable divorces. 

Now, without treating these two allowances as ‘check-marks’ that we hope the other person fills, and thereby revealing the sin that was festering in our heart all along, God gives us two, and only two, ways in which a divorce is not sinful. Adultery and Abandonment.

Adultery

We discussed this last week, but to repeat it here; when someone within the confines of a marriage violates the 7th Commandment (any sexual immorality. ie. adultery, rape, incest, pedophilia, etc); the other person is allowed to divorce them and it wouldn't be sinful for them to do so (Matt.5:31&32; 19:9). That does not, however, (as we discussed at length last week) make the feelings of failure and shame go away! To see how horrible a broken covenant is, look to the everflowing tears of the weeping prophet we just; Jeremiah.

The covenant of marriage was broken by one member (hopefully not both!), and because God is patient and merciful; knowing the limitations of our soul and the hardness of our hearts; He gave us permission to divorce and end the covenant. However, even though the innocent party would not be sinning to file for divorce in this situation…that doesn't automatically make it the right choice. 

I understand that it is a loaded statement, and you can rightly begin to think: “how dare you pastor! You don't know my situation, my circumstances. You don't know the pain that was caused!” but ask yourself:

Was the pain your adulterous partner heaped upon you…less evil than the sin that God killed His Son over? Your sin, oh hurt one, pulled forth the righteous wrath of a holy God onto the only morally innocent person to ever live; and held you just as guilty in the eyes of God as those of your wandering spouse. Your sins were so evil that the only way you could be saved was for God Himself to die. 

Yet God forgave you; continues to forgive you; and will, without a shade of doubt, forgive you of the sins you will carry out later this afternoon. In fact, God knew beforehand, of every single one, and still chose to save you. “While we were still sinners,” Rom. 5:8 teaches, “Christ died for us.”

“Well then…should I stay with my adulterous spouse, or divorce them? Give me a solid, straight forward, fast and easy answer, and stop with all the theology Pastor.”

No.

There are no “fast and easy answers”...because of the nature of sin. Which we will discuss later on. Before we get there, however, we need to speak on the second allowable exception to divorce; abandonment.

Abandonment

To repeat myself (again); when we see a list of exceptions to divorce always being a sin, are we watching out for them with baited breath, looking for the first opportunity to “escape” a marriage we don't want to be in? Have you been ignoring the words of Phil. 2:3 that tells you to “value others better than yourself.”? Wives, have you been serving your husband? Husbands, have you been leading your wives? Has your marriage existed, even with its ups and downs, in accordance with what Scripture teaches about marriage; and for some unforeseen reason…your spouse deserted you? Physically or otherwise?

In Exodus 21:10-13; when God shows us that He allowed the sinful relationships of polygamists to continue, (remember last week; just because God allows something doesn't mean He approves of it); He also gives us the second allowance for divorce. → “If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. [11] And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money.”

Now this can very easily go into territory that I will gladly discuss during Sunday School after Service; but nevertheless, we have in these verses a man who denied his wife: provision, protection, and conjugal rights; therefore she would be allowed to divorce him without sinning. (Which means that a husband has the duty to provide, protect, and be intimate with his wife, and not doing so could very well lead to a divorce.) You’ll notice, however, that the husband in question was still physically present in those verses.

He didn't pack up and leave in the dead of night. He didn't refuse to return home from work one day. He was intentionally acting in such a way that he abandoned the covenant with his wife; regardless of his physical proximity to her. Furthermore, we can very easily bring “abuse” into this second category, because it is an abandonment by action instead of inaction.

So, can she leave him?

When a man who promised to protect and provide for her, and give her sons and daughters; instead refuses to work, uses her body for selfish desires, and then hits her when he had a bad day…can his wife divorce him? Ex. 21:10-13 says she can, yes. But should she? 

Would that be the right choice?

A number of different scenarios are undoubtedly running through your mind right now, right? We can call to mind this or that situation; in the life of a friend or our own life. We can bring up stories we've heard, news reports we've watched, throw them into a pot and top it all off with our oh-so-special and precious feelings, and come to a conclusion. Just make sure that you add in the cosmic treason that you, yourself, carried out against the sinless King of the Universe, and the grace and forgiveness that was shown to you despite it.

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Has there been a continued pattern of abuse, or a boiling over of emotions that he refused to deal with? Is one instance of abuse enough to break covenant? One act of adultery? Is he trying to work, to no avail; or does he prefer being lazy? Has the wife continued to stray into the arms of other men, over and over and over again? Is she domineering to the point of forcing him to undergo an emotional vasectomy? Or has she been suppressing her emotions for so long they boiled over?

God doesn’t deal with hypotheticals, He deals with truth.

And the truth of your situation is that you are not navigating this alone. This is why you are in covenant with a Church. There are other Christians; those whose own sins were forgiven by the same blood shed long ago; to your left and right every Sunday morning, who love you beyond measure. Who will stand by your side, pointing you upward at every opportunity. If a divorce is on your horizon, oh tired one, you are not standing there alone as it looms above your future. 

And what we do with this; we will talk about in just a moment. Before we get there however, there's another topic that comes up when speaking on divorce.

Remarriage:

When someone has been divorced, are they free to remarry, or will that second marriage be sinful? To pick the low hanging fruit first:

1 Cor. 7:39 → “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” 

Romans 7:2-3 → “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. [3] So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.”

If your spouse dies, you are free to remarry, yes.

Well then…what about remarriage after divorce?

Remember in one hand; marriage is a covenant. It is a promise to the person before you at the altar that, made in front of friends and family, all of which were before God Himself; that no matter what, you are going to stay by their side till death separates you from one another. And in the other hand; remember that God is patient and merciful, knowing the hardness of our hearts, so He gave us permission to divorce. We must, brothers and sisters, start with this when speaking on remarriage after divorce; because if we don't, we will never come to a true answer.

In our main verse this morning, Matthew 5:32, we read → “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” Which Jesus repeats in Matthew 19:9 → “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

On the surface, it seems as if any marriage after a divorce is adulterous and sinful. But, as I have the habit of forcing you to do; ask yourself why that is spring loaded in your mind.

Do you want an excuse to get angry at God? To be the victim of that big bully in the sky? To excuse your sinful marriage because it isn't fair; and what about my feelings and life and, and, and, and… 

Will you accept what God has to say, even if it means things about your life that you aren't ready to come to terms with?

This is why we spent so long this morning looking at what a Covenant is; because when we start from there, and see the Biblical permission for divorce under the two specific circumstances we already discussed…it means the covenant came to an end. It's over. Could you have stayed with them? Maybe. But you didn't. You divorced them, without sinning when you did, and now the covenant is over. Which means then, that remarriage after a Biblical divorce is not wandering from the borders of the original covenant.

Remarriage after divorce is only acceptable

if the divorce was Biblical to begin with.

That brings up another question though, doesn't it?

Was it a Biblical divorce, and how can I tell?

There will be some examples we can pull from, that will be obvious if the divorce was Biblical, right? The blatant repeating adulterer. The rapist. The decade-long pattern of abuse. The living-off-of-the-government dead beat husband who refuses to provide. The bullheaded domineering wife who refuses to submit. On and on we can pull hypothetical marriages out of the ether, and arrive at nice and tidy conclusions. But…what about the others? The areas of gray that refuse to be black and white, no matter how hard you try to reinterpret the events. 

Should I have forgiven my wife for her adultery, and remain married? It was only once, her parents are faithfully married, so I know she hasn't been learning it's acceptable for years. I could have shown more grace, right? Was it a Biblical Divorce? Did I fail?

Should I have forgiven my husband for hitting me, and remain married? He never did anything like that before, and his dad never hit his mom, so I know it wasn't engrained in his soul. Surely we could have met with the pastor every week and worked really hard at the marriage, right? Was it a Biblical Divorce? Did I fail?

When you begin to ask these kinds of questions, remember to be honest with why you are asking; and be honest about your pain. Face it, square in the face, and make it blink. Don’t live in fear of the past brothers and sisters; for your past was already killed. God knows why you are asking, and is well aware of the pain rolling through your soul…so be honest.

So…how can you tell if a divorce was Biblical?

Read your Bible, every… single… literal… day. Every day, until the day you die.

When you miss a day, repent, and pick it up again. Then read it.

Highlight this verse or that verse, and then ask your pastor questions about them.

Have specific times of prayer in your day, dedicated to nothing but prayer

Surround yourself with Godly people; Godly influences, and Godly art.

Go to Church, every single Sunday. 52 times a year, until you die.

Attend weekly Bible Study.

Talk to your Elders, and refuse to navigate this alone.

Drag your pain into the light, expose it! 

Literally turn your phone off, lock your door, and pace back and forth in your living room as you pour out your heart. Spend as much time in the Word and in prayer as you care about the answers.

Children of Clyde-Savannah, you have the wealth of human history accessible with a swipe of your finger. Millions of sermons, from thousands of preachers over the span of 2,000yrs…use this incredibly valuable resource my friends! Learn from the giants of the faith, those who risked life and death to unfold the glorious word of God for His hungry people. Read their books, listen to their sermons, comparing all of them to the unchanging Word. Why? Because 4 Sermons per Month is insufficient to work against the level of hurt that you think you may have.

Furthermore, these are the exact same instructions for what to do when the opportunity for a Biblical Divorce presents itself. When your spouse cheats or leaves, you press towards God in direct proportion to your hurt. Does it hurt a lot? Then run to the Word! Don't wait. Refuse to let your anger and pain simmer in your soul. Learn from a millennia of faithful preachers before you, and don't stop until you can feel the sanctification.

Or…does it only a little, which is why your Bibles collect dust and your prayer life doesn't exist. If you haven't watched a single sermon about something that's been on your heart; refuse to spend specific time in prayer; and refuse to reorganize your life to make it possible; then I have a hard time accepting that you actually do care.

So…was it a Biblical divorce? Do you have an answer yet? No? Then keep reading. Keep praying. Read book after book; watch sermon after sermon; meet with as many people as you trust to point you towards God; refusing to stop until you find the answer, and don't get remarried until you do. 

If it was a Biblical Divorce, then, you are free to remarry.

If it wasn't, then any second marriage would be adulterous, and Scripture forbids it.

If, however, you find yourself in this situation; or it applies to someone you know; do not compound the sin by divorcing your spouse. Repent, be forgiven, and remain.

Reminding yourself, everyday if need be, that His forgiveness is not based on you…at all. You can, my friends, be forgiven of an unbiblical divorce and remain in a wonderful; God-honoring marriage until the day you enter the ground; not because you reinterpreted the bible to make it acceptable. Not because you really were justified, no matter what the Bible says, thank you very much. No. You can have a God-honoring, healthy, fruitful marriage after an unbiblical divorce because the God of all creation; Jesus Christ, died under the wrath that your sins deserved because He wanted to. Period. The beautiful red which stained the cross that day was sufficient to atone for the deepest, darkest evil all of His children will ever commit. 

“But Pastor! My sin! It's so dark! How can God ever forgive me for divorcing my spouse, when the fault was mine! Oh my sin! My sin!”

Oh tired and weak one. You lost and broken by your own fault…you are the only type of person that God does save. There is no sin so vile, no affair so long running, no abuse so violent, that the God of the Universe is incapable of paying the penalty for.

No “fast and easy” answers:

In closing, the reason why there are no “fast and easy” answers when it comes to questions like this, is because sin is an untameable beast.

A husband doesn't suddenly raise a fist towards his wife. A wife doesn't suddenly have an affair. They start, like all sins, in the heart…and they grow. They get bigger, stronger. They spread out their roots, entangling themselves in every thought. Until, unsatisfied with thinking about sinning, it’s acted on.

Every sin, across the board, is not some random happenstance that suddenly crashes against the unknowing. It is the physical manifestation of our sin nature. 

To use an illustration I have used before; we all have an old man living in the basement of our heart. With yellow teeth and swollen tongue he whispers our favorite sins, calling up to us from the depths. You know where he lives. You've visited him plenty of times before. You know which movies to watch; which songs to listen to; which person to interact with; which drug to take; website to visit; or hobby to indulge in; to go see him.

He is ever-present, in every context…because it's you.

It is your old self, the dying you.

And every time you visit him, he gets stronger and stronger, until he owns you as a smiling slave, happy to be chained to him. When a husband raises a fist to his wife; or a wife has an affair; its because they have been allowing their sin to rot and fester in the depth of their soul, refusing to confront it. Visiting him in the dark of their mind they let their thoughts off the leash of grace that binds them to the cross, and watched with sickened glee as the old man in their heart embraced every thought and desire.

Wet the blade of Scripture with the blood of your old self, and never stop swinging! Remind him of the Cross. Of Calvary; and the death blow that he was dealt; every single time temptation arises, and when it gives birth into physical action.

Renew your Covenant with God, as we did together this morning; through the Bread and Wine. Reminding yourself of the body and blood spiritually present within them. Of why they were broken and poured out. Remind yourself that He is a God who is faithful to a thousand generations (Deut. 7:9). Never changing (Mal. 3:6). The God who saved you while you were still His dead enemy (Rom. 5:10); is the same yesterday, today; and will be the same for a thousand unending tomorrows (Heb. 13:8). 

The either outright refusal to partake of the bounty God has given us; or the being worn down to nothing until your motivations are memories of memories; is exactly how we stray from the long written down words of God.

We refuse to take violent action against our sins. We let them grow; then are confused about how our life resulted in what we see before our eyes everyday. We sacrifice time in our Bibles at the Altar of social media or social status. We sacrifice prayer at the Altar of comfort, playing the victim every step of the way. “I can’t just sit and pray Pastor, I wasn't made to do that kind of thing!”

Well it's a good thing God remade you! (Ez. 36:26).

It's a good thing He will never stop forging you into the image of His Son. (Rom. 8:29). 

Take the promise of your sanctification, and put it to use, children of God! You can do this! You can be holy, you can be set apart, you can be the giants of the faith that generations after you will look back at when they need wisdom and direction about the pain in their life. Take literal, physical actions to draw closer to God, and He will draw closer to you (James 4:8). 

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There are unmoving, unchanging, undying laws in regards to the Covenant of Marriage, yes. But how to go about life after those laws have been broken, by you or others, the first and of ultimate importance answer about what to do is…repent.

Now. Today.

Do not wait until you have your life together.

Don't put it off until you have your life under control, because you never will. find that one person you think you love, and are thinking about remarriage. Repent, here and now.

And be made new. 

After this; after admitting your fault to the holy God you sinned against, and having the penalty of your sins accounted to the body and blood of Jesus Christ; there are no fast and easy answers…because God doesn't deal with hypotheticals. He deals with you. He sanctifies you, in direct proportion to His own standards. Do you trust Him to do it? Then do something with what you know to be true.

Arrange your life ahead of time, my friends, every aspect of it. From your hobbies to  your living situation and career; to agree with Scripture. Then go after God with all of your strength. Because the only fast and easy answer for a believer…is that your salvation was purchased on the cross, paid for by the precious blood of Jesus Christ as He died in your place; and that God has promised to use everything for your good and His glory. The more you know that God, the more comfortable you will be in the midst of His providence in your life, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

Rev. Jacob Marchitell

May 3rd 2026

Extra Notes

For a Sermon such as this, I felt the best way to provide some extra material would be through examples of conversations that I am confident can be applied in a way that cuts through a lot of confusion.

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“Pastor, should I get married to this person?” ------ “Are they a Christian?” ------ “No, but I love them.”

“Do you love God more? Because He tells us to not marry unbelievers in 2 Cor. 6.”

“What am I supposed to do then?”

“Pray for God to open the eyes of the person you love, to save them from their sins, and be content with the answer. Then read your Bible and pray in direct proportion to how much you care. When you do, God will sanctify you.”

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“Pastor, should I marry this man?” ------  “Are you prepared to submit to him like the Church submits to Christ?”

“Pastor, should I marry this woman?” ----- “Are you prepared to lead her like Christ leads His Church?”

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“Pastor, should I divorce my adulterous spouse?”

“Has there been repentance? Is this a pattern or a moment? And…what part of the Bible are you reading through?”

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“Pastor, I'm not sure if my divorce Biblical, and I am considering remarriage, what do I do?”

“What books or sermons have you read about divorce and remarriage? Have you been consistently praying about it?”

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“Pastor, my divorce wasn’t Biblical, but now I’m a believer. Can I get married again?”

“The Scriptures are clear, if your divorce was unbiblical, you should not get married again.”

“But God will just forgive me anyways, right?”

“Rom. 6:2 condemns that attitude.”

“But…what am I supposed to do then?”

“Read your Bible, pray, surround yourself with Godly people, Godly art, Godly hobbies; immerse yourself in the ways of God; take advantage of the countless sermons and books and teachings; go to the people in your life that you trust and talk with them. And do it all in direct proportion to how much you care. When you do, God will sanctify you to the point of accepting your singleness. He really, honestly, and truly will.”