Divorce & Adultery

Continuing to move through Matthew 5; Jesus expands on the verses we spoke on last week by speaking on divorce. Before we get there; let's remember what He is building on.

Last week, we discussed Jesus’ radical strictness when it comes to dealing with temptations of a sexual nature; and He leaves no “wiggle room” at all. Whatever may be in your life; habit, hobby, relationship, or person; if you are pointed towards lust because of it, you need to take drastic, immediate, action. 

No flirting with your sin; no compromising; no keeping it on the back burner where it stays safe every time you want to indulge; and never trying to reinterpret God’s unchanging Word to justify your inaction. Looking at King David, we saw that we should be arranging our life ahead of time, so as to set ourselves up for success. Not neglecting the life He gave you, or enticing others into the bedroom of your mind, or home.

Furthermore, His instructions were not given to only the young or newborn Christian. He did not narrow His advice down to only apply to those weak in the faith. Young or old; wise or ignorant; weak or strong; any who desire to live a holy life must flee from lust the moment it appears. For many Christians, the behemoth of lust that stands ready to attack is but the very first rung of killing our old self. Meaning; if you have yet run from it, or haven't even tried to; then you should be questioning if the fruit of the Spirit will ever indeed be produced from you. Lust is too powerful to be ignored.

Using the hyperbole of amputation, Jesus is showing us that the pull of lust is far beyond our ability to grit our teeth and “muscle through”. Our sex drive; part of our very nature; when it is uninhibited by the legislation that God places upon it, is an enemy that must be met with immediate, dramatic, “spring loaded” action to get away from. If it isn’t, we see its conclusion in our verses today. Divorce and Adultery.

Read → Matthew 5:31 & 32 and Opening Prayer

Remember, Jesus, His words and works, are the final authority when asking: “What does God mean?” in relation to anything within The Bible. He, Himself, is the explanation of The Moral Law. Any questions about their continuing into the modern day, or their scope into the varying areas of our life must be answered in accordance to what He has to say. 

Having already proved this in the previous verses (Matt. 5:17-30); we have mentioned over several Sundays now, why such a “clarification” of The Law was necessary. The Pharisees had been playing fast and loose with Scripture, molding it as they saw fit, using something true (The words of God) to justify their lies. They were adding actions (Mark 7:7), and then saying that nothing but your actions matter; all the while ignoring the source of sin. The heart.

And in our verses today, Jesus shows us that He is the highest authority over every law, not just The Ten Commandments. When He says, in v.32 → “Furthermore, it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’”; He reaches beyond the ten laws given on Mt. Sinai, and references Deuteronomy 24:1-4 →  “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, [2] when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, [3] if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, [4] then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”

To understand this Deuteronomic law, and the correct understanding that Jesus was bringing in Matthew 5, we need to talk about what Marriage is to begin with.

And, if you haven't noticed, we live in a culture so hungry for a connection; so immersed in digital copulation; so distracted at every turn and overwhelmed with love of self; that we have devolved marriage to nothing but a paperwork handshake between people with overlapping interests. We use hobbies, or physical attraction as our starting point. Lusts and perversions. Reducing image bearers of God to bullet points of information. So much so has modernity distorted the divine bond of marriage that even the most basic biological function of procreation is sacrificed, so long as the homosexuals can spend enough money to traffic children from us breeders. They're a real family, stop saying they aren’t you bigot.

If we do not have the correct starting point

in speaking on Marriage; we’ll never arrive at a

correct understanding of divorce.

Under the current zeitgeist of modern America, “Divorce” is nothing but a dissolution of a contract. It was a free-trial, with all the physical benefits included, and if a child, or two, or three, is brought forth during that trial period; we have plenty of over-bearing, power hungry Courts and CPS agents eager to solve our problems for us. Make sure to sign the Prenuptial Agreement, keep your money as yours, theirs and theirs; move the children back and forth every other weekend, never giving them the chance to let their roots grow in one place; sell the house, split the profits, and decide what to do with the dog and lawnmower.

Pay no attention to the volcanic amount of trauma a divorce will have on your children or yourself; it was all the other person’s fault after all. Ignore the vault of self-hatred that is built in your soul…because you can just find another spouse. And if they don't give you all the happy happy feelings a marriage is supposed to give you, find another one, or stray from the one you're in by downloading the right app.

To jump slightly ahead of myself; that mentality I just described shows us how similar 2026 America is to The Pharisee in the First Century. Remember, they were doing all they could to distort and twist God’s laws to excuse their sin; focusing on action over thought, or the other way around; all in a poor man’s attempt at self justification.

We will come back to this; hold it tightly; but let's get back on track.

We must use the correct starting point in defining Marriage if we ever want to have a correct understanding of Divorce; and from the very beginning of created reality, at the onset of time itself; God gives us the definition of Marriage in Gen. 2:22-24 → “Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. [23] And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” [24] Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

One man, singular, leaving the familial union he was raised up beneath; joining together with one woman, singular; to create a single, undivided, unified entity.

When The Pharisees repeated their father the devil, asking Jesus if God really said what He said about marriage and divorce; He repeats Himself thousands of years after Gen. 2, in Matt. 19:3-6 → “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” [4] And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ [5] and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? [6] So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” 

The joining together of one man, and one woman; in an unbreakable bond (putting emphasis on every word!); is, in its most ‘bare-bones’ definition, what a marriage is; and it was created by God.

In Prov. 5:15 - 20, as Solomon is warning his son to stay away from loose women, he tells him to enjoy the body of his own, singular, wife. One man, one woman.

In 1st Cor. 11:7-9, in speaking on head coverings; Paul appeals to the created order when he says → “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. [8] For man is not from woman, but woman from man. [9] Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.”

Why is the wife the glory of the husband? Because at creation, she came from him.

In 1st Cor. 6:16, we have a warning about the blight of extra-marital sex, using the same language that describes a husband and wife → “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.””

Over and over again the created order of reality is used as the standard for what a marriage is. One man, one woman, joined into an inseparable union. And in Eph. 5:30-33 we see it again, along with the purpose of a marriage → “For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. [31] “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33] Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Why did God design marriage to be a one man, one woman, inseparable union? To explain the unbreakable relationship between Christ and His Church. As Christ is the head of the Church, the husband is head of the wife (Eph. 5:25). As the Church submits to Christ, so a wife submits to her husband (Eph. 5:22).

Marriage exists as a living word-picture

of Jesus Christ and the Church.

Brothers and sisters, the creation of marriage is such a gift that non-believers; against their will and their supposed disbelief of God; can’t escape displaying the relationship He has with His Church. Whenever one man and woman are joined together in marriage, the display of that relationship is unavoidable. Is it a distorted image? To a certain degree, of course.

When a man dominates his wife instead of sacrificially leading her; when a wife (to use the common vernacular) “wears the pants” in the relationship instead of submitting to her husband; the image grows harder to see, but it is still there. In fact, the level to which their marriage does distort the image also shows what it should be, just in the negative. What I mean is: the more unhealthy a marriage is; the more obvious “the way it should be” becomes. God organized reality such that any marriage, healthy or not, teaches us something about Him.

Now, I would be doing you a disservice if, after all this, I didn't confront those relationships in our culture that masquerade as marriages. Same-sex “marriages” are everything but a marriage. The DNA of their soul; the manner in which God made them; prevents their relationship from ever becoming a marriage. The man has no woman to lead; and the woman has no man to submit to. They are a fun-house mirror, bending and twisting what they reflect, even if what they reflect is an unhealthy marriage! And because they aren't marriages to begin with, the best thing that could happen to one, is a divorce.

These relationships can never experience consummation, because they use their bodies for that which is against nature itself (Rom. 1:26 & 27) and therefore never procreate. Homosexual mirage is nothing but self-centered, self-serving, perverse pleasure; using the nerve endings God gave them to spit upon His name; and as Romans 1:27 teaches, they are “receiving in themselves the penalty of their error”; in the vast amount of STD’s, mental disorders, and tidal waves of depression and suicide. 

Because marriage exists as a living word-picture of Jesus Christ and the Church; it must be held in the highest honor, and its sanctity protected at all costs.

Before we move into ‘divorce’, we must understand the truth that a marriage is the unifying of the physical with the spiritual. There, in the marital bed, a husband and wife are surrendering their body and their soul to each other, and it is impossible to only give one. The heart can never not be given in the act of love-making; it can only be abused to the point of surrendering to the body. 

Because marriage is the unification of the physical and spiritual, is why we see, over and over again, the usage of marital language when God rebukes His people in the Old Testament. 

Jer. 3:20 → “Surely, as a wife treacherously departs from her husband, so have you dealt treacherously with Me, O house of Israel,” says the Lord.”

Ez. 16:31-33 → “You erected your shrine at the head of every road, and built your high place in every street. Yet you were not like a harlot, because you scorned payment. [32] You are an adulterous wife, who takes strangers instead of her husband. [33] Men make payment to all harlots, but you made your payments to all your lovers, and hired them to come to you from all around for your harlotry.”

The union of the physical with the spiritual in a human marriage; is a symbol of the unification that God has with His people. To such an extent that God calls idolatry, adultery. 

Marriage, the braiding together of the heart and mind of one man with that of one woman; showing the union of God with His people; is why we see this in Mal. 2:16 → “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”

God hates divorce.

He hates it. There are no qualifiers, no exceptions. No extenuating circumstances. No matter the depth to which a marriage is unhealthy, abusive, or adulterous…God hates divorce. Which means then, that those who have been divorced are now forced to reckon with asking if God hates them. 

Every husband of every failed marriage has to wrestle with this. Did he fail at something so powerful, so important, so woven into reality that it sings aloud for all to see the glory of a faithful God? Is that husband now doomed forever? He failed, regardless of if his divorce was “Biblically justified” (which we will discuss later on), it doesn't take away the pain and trauma and suffering. Those feelings of disgust he has towards himself for failing his wife and family, don't go away when a Bible verse is barfed before him. It takes years and years for the husband of a failed marriage to come to terms with the pieces he has no way to put back together. He sees them, the pieces of his failed marriage, strewn about his life, his heart, and the damage they do as they simmer in his soul. And if he has children? Those pieces glow in the deep and dark heart and mind of his children, each one joined together in a wicked chorus singing about his failure. Who can ever make him whole again? Who can make his children whole again?

Every wife that innocently thought the man who stood before her on her wedding day; who promised before God and family to be with her; only for the marriage to end in tears and shame; must fight just as hard. For years. For a lifetime. She believed that he would protect her, provide for her, teach her children about God, teach her sons how to be men and teach her daughters what a Godly man looks like. She trusted that the man who lifted the veil over her beautiful face and placed a ring upon her beautiful finger, would sanctify her as Christ sanctifies the Church until she is old and grey. It didn't happen, so she thinks she failed as a wife, as a mother, as a woman; and those feelings don't go away, even when she learns about Biblically allowable divorces.

God hates divorce, because God hates sin.

Now…I understand that that is a loaded statement. 

“Pastor, are you saying that all divorce, for any reason, is a sin? What about what Jesus is saying in our main verses, about the exception of sexual immorality?”

My response is that every divorce, no matter the reason why it took place, is a result of sin, but not necessarily a sin. The lingering rot of evil, passed down to us since the garden, reaches into every area of our life. Our understanding of God, our hobbies, our diet, our careers, and our marriages. Sin has affected everything.

So when we start with the foundation of a good, faithful, and patient God who cares for His people; that rules and reigns over a broken world; we have Deut. 24:1 (the verse Jesus is clarifying). And because we started in the character and nature of God, we can understand that the existence of divorce legislation is not because God approves of it, but because of human sinfulness. He remembers that we are dust, brothers and sisters (Ps. 103:14); and knows that we are incapable of a perfect union in a fallen world. God’s legislation of divorce in those verses was to convey the moral gravity of such a thing; explain that marriage must be protected at all costs; and that the world is broken.

God’s allowance of something

is not a sign that He approves of it.

It is a sign of His patience toward the broken, of His bearing with us in our weaknesses and failures. Knowing that we are bent toward sin and prone to wander. So when Jesus says in our verses “But I say to you…” it tells us that The Pharisees were not seeing, or teaching others about divorce, with this understanding.

Remember what I asked you to hold on tightly to?

The Pharisees were taking the laws of God and twisting them just enough to prove they could be holy in and of themselves.

One generation before Jesus was born, a Rabbi by the name of ‘Hillel the Elder’ taught that so long as Deut. 24:1 was followed by the exact letter, divorce was permitted for any reason. So…the Pharisees, wanting to enjoy their sins, would find any “uncleanness” (defined by them, mind you); any fault; anything at all, and so long as a “Certificate of Divorce” was written and delivered exactly as God said it should be, they believed themselves to be innocent. 

Why wouldn't they? They were following God’s law afterall. Ignore the internal lust that prompted them to leave, or their weaknesses in managing their own household; so long as it was done “by the book”...they were in the clear. Did your wife burn your dinner? Divorce. Did she not clean your laundry in a timely manner? Divorce. Did she not give you a son yet? Did she subvert your authority as the husband? Is there a younger, prettier woman? Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. You are the only one who matters in your marriage, you have to look out for yourself, right? Just, you know…make sure to fill out all the correct paperwork.

Then Jesus comes along, quotes His own words back to them, and clarifies that He is a God who hates divorce with just as much passion as He has love for His weak children; by giving us what constitutes a Biblically permissible reason for divorce; Sexual Immorality. 

This doesn't mean, however, that if a divorce would be Biblical, you have to. It means that He knows the limitations of your heart. He knows that you aren't as patient as He is; as forgiving as He is; and that sexual immorality is as vile as it is far-reaching into your soul. Into the deepest aspects of your identity, into your worship, career, and stretching into the lives of your children’s children. So, knowing this, He gave us permission.

Divorce is an ugly reality, brothers and sisters, because the hurt it causes…even when it was Biblically permissible …is still there. Being innocent of adultery, doesn't make a family whole again. Being innocent of adultery doesn't stop you from questioning your worth and value as a husband, wife, father, or mother. The pain is still there and you will have to wrestle and fight and pray and cry, for years, to see that He is a God who cares for you.

So…what do we do? Right?

Jump towards divorce whenever we are allowed to? “I couldn't wait to get out of that marriage anyways, and now I'm innocent in getting a divorce.”

Do we show limitless grace and forgiveness? “Of course you can go sleep around, just make sure you come back home at the end of the day.”

Or, do we not enter into a marriage to begin with;

unless we understand the gravity of the union?

If you are married here and now this morning; we need to be arranging our marriages in such a way that God is at the utmost center of them. Not our feelings, not our pleasures, not our careers or hobbies or interests…not ourselves.

Christian wife, are you submitting to your husband in the same way that the Church submits to Christ? Are you respecting him? Serving him? Are you the center of your marriage? 

Christian husband, are you leading your wife in the same way that Christ leads His Church? Are you sacrificing for her? Serving her? Are you the center of your marriage?

Both of you, do you forgive each other? Show grace?

If the beast of adultery does show its face in your marriage, what will you do?

Stay together? If so…why?

Divorce? If so…why?

Furthermore, are you living your life here and now, to avoid it? Arranging your life in such a way that temptation is far from you? Are you cutting your hands off to keep divorce away? Do you pray together? Do you read your Bibles together? Are you filling your heart and mind with such beautiful truths of God, that should adultery show up, you are confident in the level of sanctification that God has performed on you, that you are going to respond without sinning?

If you aren't married yet, is your goal to have a marriage like the one we have been describing this morning?

Men, do you want a wife to lead like Christ led the Church? If so, you need to be ready to die. Physically, yes; but also daily, day after day, year after year; you need to be ready to live out the daily death of sacrificial servant leadership. Can God trust you with a woman so beautiful to Him that He Himself suffered the wrath of God for? Will you protect her? Teach her? Will you be able to hold up your wife on judgement day, and say to Him: “God! Look! I did it! I protected her!” Young men, are you prepared to display the eternal union that Christ has with His Church? If you aren't, what are you going to do about it?

Women, do you want a husband to serve like the Church serves Christ? If so, you need to be ready; like Sarah to Abraham before you; to call him ‘lord’ (1 Pet. 3:6). Are you prepared to follow his lead wherever he takes you? Can you be trusted to lift him up and strengthen him with your beauty and tenderness? Even when his own sins encourage you to be harsh, belittle, or emasculate him? Will you give him daughters to give as wives and mothers? Will you give him sons to raise up as warriors? Young women, are you prepared to display the eternal union that Christ has with His Church? If you aren't, what are you going to do about it?

_____

In closing; it would be accurate to say that there is no such thing as a “sinless divorce”; while also saying not every divorce is sinful. The apparent contradiction is resolved when we understand the damage that sin does to human relationships in a world that is governed by an all-powerful, good, gracious, and patient God.

Does God hate divorce? Yes.

Is He a patient God, who made allowances for people He knows are weak?

Also yes.

We need to understand, brothers and sisters, that divorce is an ugly, ugly reality in a fallen world. It rips families to pieces; teaches children that God is either cruel, uncaring, or doesn't exist to begin with; and does immense, life-changing, heart-draining, soul-destroying generational harm that gets worse and worse the further and further it spreads. The only, singular, thing that can repair the damage done by divorce; isn't a court. A state appointed law guardian, or well-educated therapist with wells of compassion and care; can’t wash away the filth a divorce vomits atop a family. No CPS agent, no matter how well meaning, can do anything but show hospice care towards the souls of those ravaged by divorce.

The only thing that heals the hurt of any divorce, Biblical or otherwise, is for the sin-stained heart of those involved to be violently torn from their bleeding chests by a God who loves them, and then replaced with one that loves Him.

Only the truth of who Jesus Christ is, and the white hot wrath that was poured upon Him instead of them; can put the pieces of a heart broken by divorce back together. Yes there will still be scars, of course. And yes, the scar tissue will hurt, and throb, and bleed, and do all it can to convince them they are headed to Hell whenever their divorce is brought to mind. But it will be heart like so many Saints before us have lived with. Broken, yet whole. 

The only One who can bring healing to someone who has been divorced;

regardless of the reasons why;

is a God who hates it as much as they do.

Rev. Jacob Marchitell

April 26th 2026

Extra Notes

In the story of Hosea, God tells the prophet to marry a prostitute, and remain faithful to her, as an example of how His people have treated Him. He is a God who remains faithful, knowing full well of their adultery/idolatry.

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If you have been divorced, and are questioning if it was Biblical or not…why does it matter? Do you want to justify yourself? Or do you care more about the offense done to God? Furthermore, if it wasn’t Biblical…then repent, and God will forgive you. If it was Biblical, you will have a thorn of pain in the side of your soul that God might very well allow to remain until you see Him? Would you be ok with that, or does your innocence in the divorce cause you think that you shouldn't be hurt anymore? By using the phrase “thorn in the side” I am not saying that Paul had been divorced; but I want you to see two things: Biblical divorces still hurt; and our weaknesses make us strong.

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Several times in the Old Testament God speaks on sexual sin “defiling” the land. 

Jeremiah 3:1 → “They say, ‘If a man divorces his wife, and she goes from him and becomes another man’s, may he return to her again?’ Would not that land be greatly polluted?...”

(the verse Jesus quotes in Matt. 5:31&32) ↴

Deuteronomy 24:1 - 4 → (when speaking on divorce) that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”

Leviticus 18:24 - 29 → “Do not defile yourselves with any of these things; (the sexual sins listed earlier in the chapter) for by all these the nations are defiled, which I am casting out before you. For the land is defiled; therefore I visit the punishment of its iniquity upon it, and the land vomits out its inhabitants…lest the land vomit you out also when you defile it, as it vomited out the nations that were before you.” 

This verse; in plainest terms; speaks about a foreign people group (the Israelites) that were headed to a nation that wasn't theirs, to slaughter them into non-existence because their sexual sins caused the land to “vomit them out”.  Deut. 9:5 → “It is not because of your righteousness or the uprightness of your heart that you go in to possess their land, but because of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord your God drives them out from before you…” The jews were the instrument of God’s wrath against them.

This deserves a larger teaching than what will be said here; but nevertheless the truth of a nation falling to ruin and destruction because of the sexual sins of their people…is something that 2026 America needs to desperately understand.